I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
