Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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