yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why do cheetos always look like penises
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
