God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
