Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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