plz talk dirty to me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
