Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
