Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
