Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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