guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
