how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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