That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
