your parents love me but you hate me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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