Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
