Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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