i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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