I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
