Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
