Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
