i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
