LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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