So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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