She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
