The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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