She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
