vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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