so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
