ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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