Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
