If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
