She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
