Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
