I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
