Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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