I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
