That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
