I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
