onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
