Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
