I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
