Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
