god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
