Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
