i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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