Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
