Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
