My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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