ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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