the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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