I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
